Ready … aim…
(Image: © Aeviin Talloni.)
Citizens of america, breathe easy: The Pentagon includes a plan in the event of a zombie attack.
Don’t pack your bug-out bag and set up your zombie defenses, yet, however. CONPLAN 888, this week by Foreign Policy magazine first uncovered, is not a sign that the Department of Defense has truly gone off the deep end. The program, written in 2011, was part of an exercise exercise.
And an in depth one, at that. The program summarizes responses to threats which range from pathogenic zombies (zombies created via infection) to space zombies (what they appear to be) to chicken zombies (they really exist!). Some tips about what you should know.
1. It isn’t (exactly) a tale
The U.S. military isn’t expecting the united states to be overrun by zombies actually. However the ongoing work and thought that went into making the program was very real. [Everything You should know About Zombies (Infographic)]
«Through the summers of 2009 and 2010, while training augmentees from an area training squadron about the JOPP [Joint Operation Planning Process], members of a USSTRATCOM [U.S. Strategic Command] component discovered (unintentionally) that the hyperbole involved with writing a «zombie survival plan» actually provided an extremely useful and effective training tool.»
Joint procedure planning involves organizing between multiple branches of the military. It’s a complex task, and training could be fraught. If real countries are detailed in the program, the general public might believe the plans are real mistakenly. Using zombies gets around that problem (for some citizens, at least).
Using zombies was fun also, the report’s authors write. By allowing the trainees’ imaginations to perform wild, the instructors could actually teach them about the fundamentals of writing military plans and orders, they wrote.
«In the event that you suspend reality for some minutes, this kind of training scenario can in fact have a very dry, monotonous topic and transform it into something rather enjoyable,» they wrote in a disclaimer to the report.
2. There are eight types of zombies
The anti-zombie plan covers eight threats. Pathogenic zombies are manufactured by infectious agents; think «World War Z.» Radiation zombies are manufactured by extreme doses of radiation. Evil magic zombies will be the consequence of «occult experimentation. » The report notes that military chaplains may be the best defense against these «EMZs, » and that atheists may be most vulnerable to attack.
Space zombies result from space or result from extraterrestrial toxins. The report notes, «Asteroids and nuclear space radiation that may convert people into zombies make a difference any landmass or population on the planet.» Weaponized zombies are bioengineered by hostile forces. Symbiant-induced zombies act like pathogen-induced zombies, however they are manufactured by parasitic life forms and do not kill their host immediately. [Mind Control: A Gallery of Zombie Ants]
Vegetarian zombies eat only vegetation. They don’t really threaten humans directly, however they could destroy basic food crops. The report notes that rather than moaning, «braaaaains,» vegetarian zombies groan, «graaaains.» (And you thought the military didn’t have a feeling of humor.)
The ultimate threat noted in the report is chicken zombies.
3. Wait, what? Chicken zombies?
Oh yes. Unlike the other seven potential zombie threats, chicken zombies are «the only verified class of zombie that truly exists,» the report notes.
Chicken zombies are old egg-laying hens that are no longer rewarding for poultry farmers to feed and house. The least expensive way to get rid of these birds is to euthanize them and turn them into compost. Farmers gas birds with carbon monoxide to kill them, but survivors are occasionally seen struggling out of piles of dead chickens. A 2006 Associated Press article described the phenomenon and the response from animal-cruelty organizations.
«CZs are simply just terrifying to behold and so are likely and then make people become vegetarians to protest animal cruelty,» the military report notes. It continues on to include that counter-measures against chicken zombies are categorized as the jurisdiction of the U.S. Departments of Justice, Homeland Security, Agriculture and the meals and Drug Administration.
4. The legal status of zombies
Chicken or elsewhere, zombies qualify as neither human nor animal life, the report notes. Thus, the military is absolve to counterattack without concern for U.S. and international laws that regulate treatment of opposing forces. Given the dire nature of the threat, the united states may likely be under martial law throughout a zombie attack, the plan continues on to notice. Because zombies can not be reasoned with plus they don’t fear pain or death, riot-control strategies would do no good. Zombies are also struggling to swim, the report notes.
The only method to effectively kill zombies is assumed to become a shot to the top. The only method to get rid of the corpses safely is by burning.
5. Contact the CDC
A highly effective response to zombie attack will need to involve the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the program notes. As there is absolutely no known zombie medical cure, the CDC may be the best source for pushing back against the pandemic. Fortunately, the CDC is one step prior to the military upon this one: In 2011, the agency wrote a weblog post about how to prepare for the zombie apocalypse. The program was to market real disaster preparedness, however the post went viral.
Humans infected by the zombie plague may overrun hospitals, the military report notes. Other stalwarts of the medical field will help against a zombie attack, however. Hand sanitizers are marketed as killing 99 percent of germs.
«Although none of the products has ever indicated any efficacy against biohazard level 4 pathogens like Ebola, it really is completely possible that such products could limit or delay the spread of pathogen-based zombieism if properly employed,» the report reads.
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